A FACE THAT WOULD STOP A CLOCK

BUTT UGLY

COYOTE UGLY

EVERY DISHRAG HAS A DISHPAN.

HE HAS A FACE ONLY A MOTHER COULD LOVE.

U

HER BUCK TEETH WERE SO BAD SHE COULD EAT OATS OUT OF A JUG.

HER HAIR LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING THE CAT SUCKED ON.

HE’S SO UGLY HE HAS TO SLAP HIMSELF TO SLEEP.

HE’S SO UGLY HE’S THE POSTER CHILD FOR BIRTH CONTROL.

HE’S SO UGLY THE DOCTOR SLAPPED THE WRONG END WHEN HE WAS BORN.

HIS NOSE WAS SO BIG HE COULD EAT A HAMBURGER AND DRINK A MALT AT THE SAME TIME.

HOMELY AS HOME-MADE SIN

I WOULDN’T WEAR THAT TO A DOG FIGHT.

IF MY DOG WERE AS UGLY AS YOU, I’D SHAVE HIS BUTT AND TEACH HIM TO WALK BACKWARDS.

LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING THE CAT DRUG IN

ONE NICE THING ABOUT GOING TO THE BEAUTY SHOP IS THAT YOU CAN

TAKE IT OFF OF YOUR INCOME TAX BECAUSE IT IS A TOTAL LOSS.

SHE COULDN’T GET ANY IF SHE HANDED OUT PARDONS IN A PRISON.

SHE COULDN’T GET ANY IF SHE HANDED OUT PASSES ON A TROOP SHIP.

SHE HAS UGLY SHE AIN’T EVEN USED YET.

SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE’S BEEN RODE HARD AND PUT AWAY WET.

SHE WAS SO BUCK-TOOTHED SHE COULD BITE A PUMPKIN THROUGH A PICKET FENCE.

SHE WAS SO CROSS-EYED THE TEARS RAN DOWN THE BACK OF HER NECK.

SHE WAS SO UGLY THAT MIGRATING BIRDS ONLY FLEW OVER HER HOUSE IN THE DARK.

SHE WAS SO UGLY, WHEN SHE FELL IN THE POND THEY SKIMMED UGLY FOR TWO WEEKS.

SHE’S SO UGLY HER FACE WOULD STOP A 10-DAY CLOCK.

SO BUCK TOOTHED SHE CAN EAT ICE CREAM THROUGH A PICKET FENCE

SO UGLY HE LOOKS LIKE HE WAS WHIPPED WITH AN UGLY STICK.

SO UGLY HE SHAVES BLINDFOLDED

SO UGLY HIS FACE COULD STOP AN EIGHT-DAY CLOCK

SO UGLY SHE COULD SCARE A BUZZARD OFF A SHIT WAGON

SO UGLY SHE HAS TO GET UP AND REST HER FACE AT NIGHT

SO UGLY SHE’D RUN A DOG OFF A MEAT WAGON

SO UGLY SHE’D STOP A CLOCK AND SET IT BACK AN HOUR

SO UGLY THAT WHEN SHE COMES OUT IN THE MORNING SHE STARTS

ENGINES ALL OVER TOWN

UUGLINESS

SO UGLY WE’RE ALL HOPING THAT THE WIND DON’T BLOW YOUR CLOTHES OFF

SO UGLY YOU’D MAKE A FREIGHT TRAIN TAKE A DIRT ROAD

SO UGLY YOUR MOM SET YOU IN A CORNER AND FED YOU WITH A SLINGSHOT

SWAMP TURKEY

THAT WOMAN WAS SO UGLY THEY HAD TO PUT A POKE OVER HER HEAD BEFORE THE BABY WOULD NURSE.

THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS AN UGLY GIRL AT TWO O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING.

UGLIER THAN A MUD FENCE

UGLY AS A BUCKET OF HOG LIVERS

UGLY AS A HOME-MADE FENCE.

UGLY AS A MUD FENCE AFTER A RAIN

UUGLINESS

UGLY AS A RAIL FENCE

UGLY AS HOME-MADE SIN

UGLY AS HOME-MADE SOAP

YOU’RE SO UGLY THE DOCTOR SLAPPED YOUR MOTHER.

YOU’RE SO UGLY YOUR MOM TIED YOU TO A WOODPILE TO SEE IF YOU WOULD BARK OR CRY.

I’M SO BOW-LEGGED I COULDN’T STOP A PIG IN A TWO-FOOT ALLEY.

SHE’S SO BOWLEGGED SHE COULDN’T PEN A PIG IN A DITCH.

SHINES AND STINKS LIKE A MACKEREL IN THE MOONLIGHT

IT TAKES A BIG DOG TO WEIGH A TON.

IT TAKES A FAT HOG TO WEIGH A TON.

EVERY TUB MUST STAND ON ITS OWN BOTTOM.

YOU MADE YOUR BED.  NOW LIE IN IT.

IF YOU ASK HIM THE TIME, HE’LL TELL YOU HOW TO MAKE A WATCH.

SHE SURE SHOWED HIM HOW THE RABBIT EATS CABBAGE.

WE DON’T CHEW OUR TOBACCO BUT ONCE.

LET’S SHAKE THE BRANCHES AND SEE WHAT FALLS.

YOU NEVER MISS THE BUTTER ‘TIL THE COW RUNS DRY.

A MAN ON HORSEBACK WILL NEVER NOTICE IT.

IF YOU LIE DOWN WITH DOGS, YOU’LL GET UP WITH TICKS.

NEVER WRESTLE WITH A PIG.  YOU’LL GET DIRTY, AND HE ENJOYS IT.

SING BEFORE SEVEN, CRY BEFORE ELEVEN.