Stephanie Joiner

Freshman Seminar 2010

Relationships

When I was a Sophomore in high school I dated a guy named Taylor. We ended up dating for two years, and those two years ended up being the worst they probably could have been (relationship wise). He treated me like crap. To this day I don’t know why I stayed with him for so long, but remember that for some reason I could not bring myself to break up with him, no matter what he did. After we had been together for about 9 months we started to fight a little more. (OK, a lot more). Pretty much every day was a new argument for us. I remember one in particular that was extremely unnecessary. We usually met up when we got to school, before both of our first classes. So, like every normal day, I walked inside, and took my stuff to my locker. I didn’t see Taylor anywhere around, so went to look for him, thinking maybe he would meet me at my classroom. I asked everyone if they had seen him, but no one had, so I went to class so I wouldn’t be tardy. After my class got out I walked out to meet Taylor where we usually did, (since we had our next class together) and I waited for a minute, saw him walking towards me, and went to say hey and give him a hug. He pushed me away, and kept walking past me! I was so angry. I caught up to him and asked him what was wrong. He told me that apparently when I went to take my stuff to my locker I walked past him and didn’t say a word to him, “purposely ignoring him”. I then told him that I didn’t see him and he that he knew that if I would have seen him I would have talked to him, and that I even went looking for him after! But, according to him, I had to be lying because he was “SCREAMING” my name, and there was no way I wouldn’t have heard him. (Bull crap.) So, after a few minutes of arguing, he remained angry, and I was now angry because he was mad at me, and I had done nothing wrong. It was like  a 7 year old arguing with their parents about having cookies for breakfast. It was ridiculous. What was even more ridiculous is that he went the ENTIRE day without talking to me, and I caught him multiple times turning around and walking the other way when he saw me walking towards him. He went the opposite ways to class we normally went together, just to avoid me, and I received angry texts, all day long. I wasn’t going to put up with it, so I just played along. I didn’t talk to him and stopped all attempts to try to get him to talk to me. Anyone could tell that it was making him angry that he wasn’t getting to me. So I just kept on, and didn’t talk to him, and decided to go to the football game later to get things off my mind. I was having fun with my friends, when he stormed up and demanded to talk to me. So we talked, I told him how stupid he was being, and broke up with him. End of story. (Well not really) For some reason, even though I told myself I wouldn’t, when he came crying back to me, saying that he would never do it again, I believed him, and took him back. You know that little saying that people never change? Its usually right. The only time, in relationships, they change, is after YOUR relationship is over. Things got better for awhile, but then got extremely worse. We fought almost every day. It was more of a hassle than a happy relationship. It was tearing me down. Towards the end of our relationship things turned extreme. Whenever I would disagree with him he would hit me. At first it was playful and with a sense of joking around, but then it turned serious. I guess when he was comfortable with hitting me he didn’t see it as a big deal. For some reason it took him hitting me in two separate settings for me to realize how bad things really were. It was like I was in a daze. I can look back on that time, and remember feeling just in awe, not knowing what to do, and just following my every day routine, living in a fog. The last time he hit me it was like he knocked all of my sense back into me. All of a sudden I realized the seriousness of what was happening to me, hit him back, and told him to never talk to me again. After getting out of that relationship I realized that I shouldn’t put up with anyone treating me like that, especially if I was the one controlling whether they were a part of my life or not. I no longer let anyone treat me in a way that I don’t want to be treated, and have more courage to just end things before they get much worse. I also have a better realization of the signs that a relationship is not going to work. This experience, while traumatic and very frightening, has changed the way I act in my relationships, and opened my eyes to what I’m sure happens to thousands of other girls, all over the world.